Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Somatic and Trauma-Informed Guide
Being traumatized by betrayal can shake you to your core. Whether it’s from a romantic partner, a close friend, a family member, or even a trusted community or institution, betrayal often leaves more than just emotional pain—it can shake your sense of safety, reality and identity.
Many people don’t realize that healing from betrayal isn’t just about getting over a broken relationship—it’s about recovering from a nervous system shock, a rupture of trust, and often, the resurfacing of much deeper wounds.
So where do you begin?
The first step in any betrayal trauma recovery process is this:
Acknowledge What Happened
Start by gently naming the betrayal to yourself. No minimizing. No justifying. Just letting the truth settle into your system:
“I was betrayed. My trust was broken. This hurt me. And it matters.”
By recognizing the betrayal for what it is, you begin to restore integrity to your experience—something that may have been shattered in the moment of betrayal.
From this grounded beginning, betrayal trauma treatment unfolds layer by layer. Below is a somatic, trauma-informed map of how many people begin the process of getting over betrayal—not by rushing past it, but by walking through it with care.
How to Get Over Betrayal: A Trauma-Informed and Somatic Roadmap
1. Allow the Emotional Responses
When you’ve been traumatized by betrayal, your emotions can feel overwhelming—grief, rage, fear, confusion, even numbness. These are all valid. Letting them move through your body, in a safe and contained way, is part of releasing the trauma. You may feel like you’re unraveling—but in truth, your system is processing what happened.
However people can get stuck in certain aspects of the betrayal and in specific emotions—causing a looping that replays over and over again. If this is happening to you and you are not progressing, please check out this page to see if somatic experiencing feels like an aligned fit for you.
2. Create Emotional and Physical Safety
In the early stages of betrayal trauma recovery, your nervous system needs support in stabilization. This might look like taking space from the person, limiting contact, avoiding re-triggering conversations, or building supportive daily rituals—breathwork, movement, journaling, or time in nature.
3. Validate the Impact
Betrayal doesn’t just hurt emotionally—it often creates real physiological stress. You might notice insomnia, racing thoughts, a clenched jaw, digestive issues, traumatic visual images, or hypervigilance. These are common signs that your nervous system is trying to make sense of what happened.
Understanding this as a form of trauma—not just emotional distress—can open the door to real betrayal trauma treatment and deeper healing.
4. Explore the Deeper Wounds
Many people find that betrayal taps into prior pain—often from childhood or past relationships. You may feel abandoned, rejected, or invisible in a way that feels oddly familiar. This is because betrayal often reactivates unresolved trauma.
By gently exploring what’s underneath, you can begin healing from betrayal at the root, not just the surface.
What betrayal trauma treatment Looks Like in a Somatic Experiencing Session:
“My client came in saying, ‘I know it wasn’t my fault, but I still feel ashamed.’ As they spoke, their voice softened and their body folded inward. I gently guided the client to notice this and asked, ‘what age does this feel like?’
With a little support, they connected to an early experience of being blamed for things going wrong in their family. We didn’t stay in the story—we stayed with the felt sense. I asked, ‘What does that young part of you need right now?’
They responded: ‘To know I wasn’t wrong.’ I invited them to imagine offering warmth or support to that younger self—perhaps through a hand on the heart, or even a soft blanket across their lap. As they did, their whole system began to soften.
This is what somatic repair looks like. Not fixing the past—but meeting what was unmet, and allowing new patterns of safety and self-trust to emerge.”
5. Work with Protective and Younger Parts
Different “parts” of you may respond to betrayal in different ways:
A rageful protector may say: “Never trust anyone again.”
A younger part may feel like: “It’s my fault.”
A dissociated part may go numb or shut down.
All of these responses are attempts to protect you. In betrayal trauma recovery, we work not to silence these parts, but to listen to them, support them, and bring them back into integration.
6. Grieve What Was Lost
Part of getting over betrayal is grieving what is gone. It may be the person. It may be a version of the relationship. Or it may be the illusion of safety you once held. Grief is not a step to be rushed—it’s a vital part of honoring what mattered to you.
7. Regulate the Nervous System
Because betrayal often sends your body into a survival response (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn), somatic support is essential. Betrayal trauma treatment often includes nervous system regulation tools such as:
Grounding touch (hand on chest or thighs)
Orienting (noticing your surroundings slowly, orienting to present time)
Titration (processing the pain bit by bit)
Vagal toning (humming, long exhales, or safe co-regulation)
Pendulation (between the trauma symptoms and safe and stable sensations)
Boundary repair
Meeting unmet needs
How Somatic Experiencing Can Help with Nervous System Regulation healing from betrayal:
“This client was holding a lot of rage and confusion about why they didn’t ‘see the signs’ earlier. As they spoke, I noticed their fists clenching and their shoulders rising. Rather than diving further into the story, I invited them to pause and notice the tightness in their shoulders.
‘If your shoulders could speak,’ I asked, ‘what might they be saying?’ The client paused, then quietly said, ‘I’m holding everything up.’ That moment opened a doorway to an early memory of carrying emotional weight in their family.
We spent the next few minutes slowly pendulating—moving between that activation (the tension in the shoulders) and a resource (a recent moment of feeling supported by a friend). This back-and-forth allowed their nervous system to process small amounts of the betrayal-related charge while staying regulated.”
is Trauma holding you back?
Are you feeling stuck in life, disconnected, or somehow not yourself? Or maybe you carry a sense of unease in your body, struggling with anxiety or a feeling that something isn’t quite right.
As a somatic experiencing practitioner I specialize in helping people process and release stored trauma through gentle yet effective methods.
Download my FREE guide “Get Unstuck! The Truth About Body Trauma and How to Break Free’ and learn how to create the future you deserve.
8. Reclaim Boundaries and Power
Many people who feel traumatized by betrayal also recognize that their boundaries were ignored—or that they were encouraged to override their own needs. As you heal, you begin to feel what’s no longer okay. You learn to say no. To take space. To protect your energy.
Boundaries are a key part of betrayal trauma recovery—they help you move from helplessness to empowerment.
9. Rebuild Self-Trust
A painful part of betrayal is how it makes you doubt yourself. You may ask:
Why didn’t I see it?
Why did I stay?
Can I ever trust my instincts again?
These questions are natural. Over time, and with support, you can begin to feel your own “yes” and “no” again. You’ll learn to hear the voice of your intuition more clearly—and respond to it with love rather than doubt.
10. Decide What Repair (If Any) Looks Like
Sometimes healing from betrayal includes repair—but it doesn’t have to. Ask yourself:
Is this person taking accountability?
Do I feel emotionally and physically safe with them?
Am I making choices from self-connection or fear?
Repair is a personal decision. And healing is possible whether or not the relationship continues.
11. Integrate the Experience
Over time, the sharp edges of betrayal soften. You may find that the story no longer takes over your thoughts. That you can remember what happened without being hijacked by it. This is integration: when something becomes part of your history, but no longer defines your identity.
12. Reconnect with Safe Relationships
When you’ve been traumatized by betrayal, trust can feel dangerous. But part of healing involves learning to feel safe again with others—little by little. This might mean opening up to a friend, a therapist, or a new relationship where you feel respected, seen, and supported.
Not all connections are dangerous. Some relationships are healing and reparative.
13. Create Meaning (When You’re Ready)
You don’t need to force meaning—but sometimes, after enough healing, meaning arises naturally. You may feel more grounded in yourself. More discerning. More committed to your truth. Maybe you help others who’ve been betrayed. Maybe you live more fully from your own values.
Meaning doesn’t erase the pain—but it does offer purpose.
Closing Thoughts
If you’re navigating the aftermath of betrayal, please know that your experience is real. You’re not weak, dumb or stupid. You’re not overreacting. You're doing your best to navigate and move through a legitimate and challenging trauma response.
Betrayal trauma recovery is not about “getting over it” quickly—it’s about reclaiming your body, your boundaries, and your self-trust.
With the right support, tools, and care, it’s possible to move from devastation to deep healing.
And this, you deserve.
If the energy emanating from this article resonated with you please explore what my somatic healing 1 on 1 sessions here.
Brianna Anderson, SEP
I’m here to help you heal so you can begin to live the life of your dreams
My private practice specializes in helping people who have endured trauma, resolve the symptoms out of their body, mind & spirit so they can feel comfortable in their skin, find inner peace and live the desires of their heart.
I am based out of South Orange County, Ca and offer online therapy sessions. Whether you are just starting your healing journey or ready to try something new, I am here to help.